2 Tables for Family Dinner

No, there is no family dispute whatsoever which resulted in the family having to occupy 2 tables. It's due to a simple reason that 1 table is unable to fit in 16 pax, inclusive of 5 kids.

The occasion today is to celebrate Hero's 75th Birthday and we had a family dinner in some traditional Chinese Restaurant in town which my sister recommended. Having squeezed in the past during such dinners to much discomfort, she decided that this time around, we'd separate into 2 tables with the siblings and Hero in 1 table, the kids and 3 maids in the other table. This arrangement made perfect sense because the kids are grown-ed up and its really impossible to squeeze in at the 'main' tables anymore. Food wise, we ordered identical fare for both tables.

So as you can derived, we do not practice double-standards in our family. :)

Something strange about Hero today....

Hero had always been a staunch Buddhist for most parts of his life but today.... he did something which none of us could ever have imagined!! I can still vividly remember how he locked Mat out of the house when he found out that she had been going to the church with her classmates while in uni.

Hero had a portrait of a certain Deity in the hall which he would spend hours daily cleaning it, wiping the area around the altar and doing 'horticulture' with the 'legs' of the joss sticks & the ashes in the urn. He is so devoted that he would go vegetarian twice a month, visit the temple pretty often to offer prayers, etc...

However, since his operations last year, he had been cutting down on the above activities gradually.... First, he stopped going vegetarian twice a month. Next, he also visited the temple less often. Today, the last straw come in... he actually 'invited' the Deity back to the temple from our house and he took that portrait back to the temple!

When asked, he said he had a dream sometime ago about him 'inviting' the Deity back to the temple....I don't know how credible is such a theory but my sister, Mat prefers to attribute this phenomenon to his weekly visit to her church since the op....

I hope the event today is not to be followed by anything untowards.... if you know what I mean....

WTF is wrong with him????

I found it getting increasing hard to get along with Hero recently.....

He :
1. is easily agitated
2. nag for the TINIEST of reasons
3. does things in his own 'unique' way
4. keep switching channels when watching TV, causing much displeasure to 'co-watchers'
5. other misc. which I do not wish to mention here.....

Case Study 1 :
Some time back, the stove was spoilt due to a blocked/damaged vent. The repairman suggested replacing it for safety reason which I agreed. He recommended us a brand new stove for $360 which is already rather cheap as compared to those retail shops. However, when told of the price after the purchase, Hero flew into a rage and keep scolding and nagging about us having been cheated by that guy. He'd still be at it today if reminded.....

Case Study 2 :
My sister was asking him for her old report card so that she could register her soon to be Primary One daughter in her old school, CHIJ Bukit Timah. Hero got agitated again... scolding her for intending to put her daughter in a school thats about 15mins bus-ride away rather than in the numerous (3 actually) primary schools around our vicinity. Oh, did I ever mention before that my sister currently stays about 5mins walk from us? She's be moving to her new place near the CCK MRT soon but thats still about 15mins from her preferring school. I simply could not see the reason for him to get angry over a report card or where my sister is sending her daughter for schooling.

Case Study 3 :
My sister once wanted to replace her main door for a fire-proofed one and she got the contractor to replace our's too. When she brought the contractor over to do a site-survey, he screamed at him about 'cheating' us and all those stories.... My sister ended up having to apologise to that poor fellow who got scolded for nothing, and we STILL didn't get the door changed.

Can anyone please teach me how to get along with him?

PS : He's now still nagging away in Hokkien to Zarah..... :s

PA for Hero

Matilda & I went to the agency @ Katong to fetch Zarah on Wed when she arrived in SG. With my brother moving in with his wife and baby on Friday, my place is suddenly becoming very 'alive' and crowded but I'm more than happy for this to happen. I'm one who doesn't enjoy emptiness and solitude, so in a way having so many peoples around is good for me too, not only for Hero. For Zarah, it means she had to stay over at Matilda's place for the time being until my brother moves out and it'll be back to few peoples staying in a fairly big house.

Zarah gave me the impression that she knows her stuff and am able to remember instructions well. Perhaps this had to do with her ex-employers who used to teach and monitor her rather closely. However, it's gonna be the complete opposite with our family because we definitely wouldn't have the time to monitor her that closely as her previous employer does. Tapping on my limited experience with managing :

1. I gave her the freedom to get things organised in the way she likes and not micro-manage. I 'd step in only after the job is done and correct her if needed. I personally believed that in this way, it kinds of gave the 'do-er' a sense of ownership.
2. I wouldn't order her around but instead requested that she 'help' me to do things. This will make the 'do-er' feel like he/she is being roped in to help as compared to a feeling of having been 'demanded' to complete a task.

Her primary role is to keep an eye on Hero, cook for him and also to keep the house in order. If Hero goes out, she's supposed to follow him so that he wouldn't get lost. This is especially important due to the previous incident whereby Hero 'lost' his memory.

For me, I'd try not to ask her to do things which I can do myself. This is more for my own good than not wanting to 'let go'. I do not wish to enter into a situation whereby I'm so reliant on her that I'm handicapped without her around. You'd be surprised how many of the peoples out there had a domestic helper around in the house since they were young and never had to raise a finger to get things done. If they lose the services of the helper, they become 'handicapped' momentarily and had to adapt to having to DIY.

I RESOLVED NOT TO GET TO THAT STAGE!

About Hero....

Hero is recovering well but perhaps abit slower than preferred.... We made major adjustments to our schedules and lifestyles to accomodate his recovery after the episode but he doesn't seemed to be aware. He thought it just simply 'happened' to be arranged as such... There was a big 'argument' few weeks back when we tried to explain to him that come Jan 2009, my sis's maid (who had been taking care of his since his discharge) had to be deployed elsewhere to look after her 2 kids in the daytime. Leaving him alone in the house is most dangerous because he ain't familar with the electric appliances in her home and could potentially cause an accident. Letting him go back home right here isn't the best option too because should something happened to him, no one would know at first hand and by the time he is discovered, it could well be too late....

Besides, his memory is failing badly. There was once he went downstairs for a walk. The maid wanted to accompany him down but he refused. It turned out that he actually came back home here for a look and on his way back to my sis's place, his mind 'blanked' out. He couldn't recall how to go back to either home! Luckily the maid had earlier called me about Hero's lone adventure. I told her to go look for him if he ain't back within 15mins. The lucky thing is that she found Hero sitting at one of the void decks looking lost.... We've since zapped his NRIC and included our mobile numbers for anyone who found him to call. Hope that this solution will have to be executed.

Looking at the situation, the best solution would be to send him to a nursing home to recuperate before bringing him back again. He is dead against the idea of a nursing home simply because he thought that the charges would be sky-high (which is rather true... about $65 per day). The 4 of us are more than willing to fork out the sum for him to try 1mth and see how it goes. But the stubborn Hero simply refuses to buy the idea. It got pretty ugly as my Bro-In-Law (BIL) had to step in to play the bad guy by 'chasing him out' of the house by 31 Dec 2008. Hero had scolded him pretty badly and I feel extremely lousy. It's not so much that BIL got scolded; it's more like Hero is assuming all the things he is getting now just happened to be there 'miraculously'.

With Plan A thwarted, we proceeded with Plan B which was pretty well received by Hero. That's to hire a maid to take care of him when he returns home to stay. Mat (my sis) is currently co-ordinating with the agency, myself and the maid (Zarah, who used to work for BIL's Bro) to get the paperwork settled asap so that Hero can move back by CNY. Having Zarah around isn't that bad an idea for at least Hero can get home-cooked food, need not worry about being lost and doesn't have to lift a finger to do household chores. Me too will be able to free up some time spent doing those chores :p But the downside is that there will be more expenditure incurred, one more person in the house is something that we both have to get used to. I think I should have no problem being a nice employer since I can tab on my past experience of having managed 2 internship students before.

We had actually thought of getting a maid for Hero since a few years ago but he is dead against the idea. With his condition now, I'm not surprised at his U-Turn on hiring a maid. What really made me speechless was what Mat had told me earlier this evening : "That day Dad had spoken to me about wanting to 'invite the Gods' at home back. But he needs to ask 'their' permissions first." I was dumbfounded when I heard this. Hero had long been a staunch Buddhist, devoting much time daily to brewing tea as offering, wiping the alter and offering of incense. Its unthinkable in the past for Hero to have such intentions but IT IS happening now... I wonder if this is the so-called "People will usually change their mindset, lifestyle and outlook in life ONLY AFTER a major event had hit them."

Could the 10+ days' stay in NUH be the MAJOR EVENT in Hero's life that changed him?

Hero is Back!!

Having stayed in hospital for the past 11days, Hero's finally certified fit for discharge. He's currently staying over at Mat's place to facilitate his recovery care since Mat's got a Foreign Domestic Helper. He is making good progress; his wound hurts less now, stitches removed, tummy no longer bloated, able to walk better now but needed help and he's now on soft diet (ie. porridge).

The whole issue with Hero's hospitalisation is due to a blockage in his small intestines. According to his Doc-in-Charge, Dr Cheong Wai Kit, a blockage is usually caused by a growth in the intestinal walls, scarring which may occur naturally and in very rare cases, mal-alignment of the disgestive system. It turned out that Hero happened to belong to the 2% of the population which may have mal-alignment of the digestive system. To get a rough idea of what his ailment actually is, please refer to the earlier URL. If you noticed, the Appendix of a typical person is on the bottom left corner of the diagram but Hero's appendix is located in the top right corner! Dr Cheong removed it anyway during the op as a precaution against a future inflammation. On 2nd thought, its an astute move because the inflammation might never be correctly diagnosed if it ever occurs in future.

This episode had also taught me 2 very very important lessons :

1. The strength of a family's ties can only be tested when there is a crisis. I'm glad to announce that the 4 of us siblings were able to understand this point without having to go through a quarrel before we come to understand this point. Somehow, we simply kicked into action and took turns to stay by his side, shared information on Hero's status and adjusted our schedules immediately upon Hero's admission.
2. The importance of a Hospitalisation Insurance. Hero's total bill came up to about $3000+. However, we need not pay a single cent because it had been covered by his MediSave, and if insufficent, mine will be activated. The MediShield that Mat had purchased for him will be acted upon after his discharge by the CPF Board to claim whatever amount claimable and deposited back into the affected CPF Accounts. The impact of the insurance in this case might not be big, but imagine if there is no Medisave or Insurance to draw upon, the cash payable by us could well come up to be a substantial sum. As such, if you have the means now, PLEASE DO GET A HOSPITALISATION INSURANCE.

By the way, my Brother-in-Law is doing insurance, anyone need me to help you link up with him?

Hero Hospitalised

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a man, 73yrs old, as he was being pushed along the corridors to the operating theatre? I did, a few days back... and the feeling I get is one of fear, uncertainty and confusion. His eyes tells me he felt the same as I did, but with more... "Will I still be able to wake up after the op? Will I still be able to see my children after the op? Will I be able to survive this?"

This man, is my father.....

If you have never experienced this before, let me tell you that this is NOT some kind of experience which you would ever want to gain. NEVER! As such, I sincerely hope that you, my friend, will never ever get to go through what I've been through this week.