*Extracted from the 7th Sept STi*
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Dear _______ (Sir/Madam/Manager/Owner/Fellow billionaire/To whom it may concern) of _______ (Manchester United/Chelsea/Arsenal/Liverpool/Real Madrid/Barcelona/AC Milan/Inter Milan/Juventus/Bayern Munich)
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Sulaiman Al-Fahim.
I represent the Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment, the new owner of Manchester City.
I am also known as the 'Donald Trump of the Gulf' due to my real estate company and my hosting of a TV series in the Middle East which looks like The Apprentice.
However, I would be just as honoured and pleased if somebody considers me the _______ (Bill Gates/Warren Buffett/Don Corleone) of Abu Dhabi.
Let me clarify first.
Although it sounds like it, Abu Dhabi is not the name of a midfielder in Arsenal or a prison in Iraq where people are tortured.
No, you are confusing us with Abou Diaby and Abu Ghraib.
We are a very wealthy emirate, one of the seven states which make up the United Arab Emirates (UAE).
You may have heard of us - the stadium at Arsenal is called Emirates Stadium and one of our fellow emirates, Dubai, is hoping to buy Liverpool once the American owners there declare _______ (bankruptcy/ insolvency/foreclosure/a fire sale/a suicide pact).
As you are probably aware, we are in the process of transforming Manchester City into the biggest football club in the world.
We are already the richest club in the world, overtaking even Roman Abramovich's Chelsea.
We do not want to boast, but our financial muscle of US$_______ (1trillion/2trillion/3trillion), depending on the price of oil, is more than Mr Abramovich's who, by the way, is welcome to join forces with us as our _____ (assistant/trainee/butler/ jester/falcon trainer).
As you are probably aware, we have just bought Robinho of Brazil.
_______ (Pele/Maradona/Cruyff/ Beckenbauer/Dr Phil) may question Robinho's judgment and sanity, but he is our first superstar at Manchester City.
I can assure you, sir, that he will definitely not be our last.
I am writing to you now because we are very keen to add to our collection to form the Greatest Team Of All Time.
As such, we wish to buy _______ (Cristiano Ronaldo/Fernando Torres/Francesc Fabregas/Kaka/your best player) from you.
He is a wonderful, wonderful player, befitting the ambitions of The Biggest Club In The World.
We are very eager to acquire him as our coaches have already engaged the services of _______ (Usain Bolt and the entire Jamaican Olympic sprint team) to train him to be even faster.
You should be pleased that your player is heading to a better place.
At Manchester City, we call our home New Paradise, we have a former Thai prime minister on our board, and part of our development plans is to include similarly powerful people such as a _______ (president/king/emperor/United Nations secretary-general/American game-show host) in our committee too.
Please remember, sir, that in our business dealings, money will never be an object, a subject or a reject.
We do not concern ourselves with such trifle matters.
There is no question of how.
Abu Dhabi United Group is used to getting who, what, where and when it wants, and we are very happy to have invited ourselves to come and play with you.
Please name us a price for your player but again, as I have stated, do not be intimidated by the extra penny or two.
US$ _______ (100/200/300/400/500) million will be wired to your Swiss bank account.
If you prefer the amount to be in more tangible terms, we can always throw in _______ (Hull City/Stoke City/Newcastle United/Tottenham) too.
Our manager, Mark Hughes, will be in touch.
If he does not call due to his busy schedule, kindly contact _______ (Kevin Keegan/Alan Curbishley) who is now part-timing with us in view of his recent resignation from _______ (Newcastle United/West Ham United).
I would appreciate if you could reply to this letter soonest.
Bearing in mind that kick-off next Saturday is at 5pm.
Thank you,
Sincerely yours,
Sulaiman
PS: Please call me _______ (Donald/Bill/Warren/Don Corleone the Godfather)
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Looks like we're going to see an abundance of Man City fans around soon.... :(
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Dear _______ (Sir/Madam/Manager/Owner/Fellow billionaire/To whom it may concern) of _______ (Manchester United/Chelsea/Arsenal/Liverpool/Real Madrid/Barcelona/AC Milan/Inter Milan/Juventus/Bayern Munich)
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Sulaiman Al-Fahim.
I represent the Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment, the new owner of Manchester City.
I am also known as the 'Donald Trump of the Gulf' due to my real estate company and my hosting of a TV series in the Middle East which looks like The Apprentice.
However, I would be just as honoured and pleased if somebody considers me the _______ (Bill Gates/Warren Buffett/Don Corleone) of Abu Dhabi.
Let me clarify first.
Although it sounds like it, Abu Dhabi is not the name of a midfielder in Arsenal or a prison in Iraq where people are tortured.
No, you are confusing us with Abou Diaby and Abu Ghraib.
We are a very wealthy emirate, one of the seven states which make up the United Arab Emirates (UAE).
You may have heard of us - the stadium at Arsenal is called Emirates Stadium and one of our fellow emirates, Dubai, is hoping to buy Liverpool once the American owners there declare _______ (bankruptcy/ insolvency/foreclosure/a fire sale/a suicide pact).
As you are probably aware, we are in the process of transforming Manchester City into the biggest football club in the world.
We are already the richest club in the world, overtaking even Roman Abramovich's Chelsea.
We do not want to boast, but our financial muscle of US$_______ (1trillion/2trillion/3trillion), depending on the price of oil, is more than Mr Abramovich's who, by the way, is welcome to join forces with us as our _____ (assistant/trainee/butler/ jester/falcon trainer).
As you are probably aware, we have just bought Robinho of Brazil.
_______ (Pele/Maradona/Cruyff/ Beckenbauer/Dr Phil) may question Robinho's judgment and sanity, but he is our first superstar at Manchester City.
I can assure you, sir, that he will definitely not be our last.
I am writing to you now because we are very keen to add to our collection to form the Greatest Team Of All Time.
As such, we wish to buy _______ (Cristiano Ronaldo/Fernando Torres/Francesc Fabregas/Kaka/your best player) from you.
He is a wonderful, wonderful player, befitting the ambitions of The Biggest Club In The World.
We are very eager to acquire him as our coaches have already engaged the services of _______ (Usain Bolt and the entire Jamaican Olympic sprint team) to train him to be even faster.
You should be pleased that your player is heading to a better place.
At Manchester City, we call our home New Paradise, we have a former Thai prime minister on our board, and part of our development plans is to include similarly powerful people such as a _______ (president/king/emperor/United Nations secretary-general/American game-show host) in our committee too.
Please remember, sir, that in our business dealings, money will never be an object, a subject or a reject.
We do not concern ourselves with such trifle matters.
There is no question of how.
Abu Dhabi United Group is used to getting who, what, where and when it wants, and we are very happy to have invited ourselves to come and play with you.
Please name us a price for your player but again, as I have stated, do not be intimidated by the extra penny or two.
US$ _______ (100/200/300/400/500) million will be wired to your Swiss bank account.
If you prefer the amount to be in more tangible terms, we can always throw in _______ (Hull City/Stoke City/Newcastle United/Tottenham) too.
Our manager, Mark Hughes, will be in touch.
If he does not call due to his busy schedule, kindly contact _______ (Kevin Keegan/Alan Curbishley) who is now part-timing with us in view of his recent resignation from _______ (Newcastle United/West Ham United).
I would appreciate if you could reply to this letter soonest.
Bearing in mind that kick-off next Saturday is at 5pm.
Thank you,
Sincerely yours,
Sulaiman
PS: Please call me _______ (Donald/Bill/Warren/Don Corleone the Godfather)
---------------------------------------
Looks like we're going to see an abundance of Man City fans around soon.... :(
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